Is this your question?

One of the questions Lourdes Callen asks in her chapter in Good Question! is ‘Is this your question?’ It came up recently in a conversation with a client who was considering how best to help a client of hers with gaining clarity about her goals. We can be very foggy about goals at times of course. Not only can our goals change but life can be confusing in periods of transition. For example, if you are contemplating a change of career or business then perhaps you are continuing with what you were doing to complete things and to earn money, but at the same time you may be looking ahead and weighing up how best to proceed. You may be moving away from what you don’t like but not clear yet exactly what you want or what steps you want to take to get there. 

What if you want to support someone through a time like this, when they may not be clear about things and they may not be feeling that happy either? Perhaps you feel you can tell from how they are being or what they are saying what would be a good way forward or goal for them. But what can you do to support them without taking over and telling them exactly what you think they should do? That’s what ‘Is this your question? , followed by a question that encapsulates what you see as their issues. What might that be? Here are a couple of examples:

“Is your question how can you repair your marriage?” (when they are dithering between staying or going but the most heart-felt words seem to be about staying)

“Is your question how to get more physically healthy so that you can make this decision from a different standpoint? (when they are talking by turns about feeling ill and making a life-change and you sense they aren’t ready to choose)

I appreciate the depth of Lourdes’ exploration of questioning. In a world where quick fixes can be the attractive option Lourdes holds out for giving time to our questions. She asks  ‘Can you find the strength to live with your question while it develops and perhaps changes?’ and there is much of value in Lourdes chapter for you as a helpful friend or coach.