‘What’s the matter with you?’

On the subject of what are and aren’t Good Questions, here are a couple of classics:

“Are you still beating your wife?”

“What’s the matter with you?”

What they have in common is that they both assume something.

The first is the classic awful question that’s almost a joke archetypal bad question. Because it assumes a negative fact from the past that may or may not be true but that brands someone as bad in the present, whatever they actually did or didn’t do in the past. Outside the courtroom it’s a monstrously unkind and pointless question.

The second hides an assumption that the person in question in some sense has something wrong with them. That is fine in the doctor’s surgery. It’s not when it’s said in the context of blame in a relationship – such as ‘What’s wrong with you? You always……….’ Or ‘What’s wrong with you? My last girlfriend never………’. Fill in the blank! ‘What’s wrong with you?’ can be a way of wriggling out of responsibility.

So that’s something to watch out for in asking questions, making sure a question doesn’t assume something that might not be true or that is better left in the past. Questions are better used for bringing out the best in people.

Judy Barber

http://www.goodquestionday.com