HANDBAGS AT DAWN!

THE BAG LADY!

It’s official – I am a Bag Lady.  I used to be a Shoe Lady, not unlike Imelda Marcos, but ever since ½ sizes have disappeared I’ve fallen out of love with shoes, or at least my feet have.   I’ve got to the age where comfortable feet are worth killing for and I won’t suffer cramped and pinched toes from too tight shoes, or blistered heels from too much slack.   So bag lady it is and it seems that I’m not alone.

Researchers found that the average 30 year old owns 21 handbags and buys a new one every 3 months, adding up to 111 over a lifetime A total outlay of £8,000 – more of course, if you’re Sienna Miller or Kate Moss.   

You see, a great bag will never let you down.  Men cannot understand the attraction of having a handbag collection (“surely one will do?” they ask, shaking their heads in disbelief) but I, along with my handbag sisters know better.

Think for a second about putting on weight.  What are your options?  You could burn off calories on the treadmill, deprive yourself of your favourite chocolate, give up alcohol, restock your wardrobe in larger sizes really losing the will to live OR you could buy a huge, fashionable tote bag.  Carrying a gigantic bag will automatically make you appear tiny in comparison.  Problem solved.

Chose a really cool one and expect adoration to follow.  Strangers will accost you just to bill and coo over its beauty.  Trust me, this really does happen.  You must be very coy about how much it cost and where you bought it.  Great bags are covetable and status easily declines if more than one appears in your circle of friends.

Of course, there are down sides.  The roomier the bag the more paraphernalia you’ll need to fill it and transporting a fully laden bag can be serious work.  My left shoulder is quite a bit higher than my right due to carrying a hefty bag.  Worse still is carrying it in the crook of your arm a la Victoria Beckham.  You may look like a star but serious damage to your elbow and your purse might be on the cards if, like her, you must have the latest IT bag.  Some bags have a 10 year waiting list and command 4 figure sums so bags are big business.

Despite this, I adore bags, especially if they are brightly coloured and/or unusual (in my view no different to a man having ‘arm candy’).  I fondly remember a bright green DKNY, the ultimate in bag architecture designed to have a place for everything single thing I owned.  I loved that bag and in terms of cost per wear it was cheap, sorry, value for money) as I wore it every single day for 2 years.  The fact I did not, and still don’t, own anything remotely green is neither here not there.  I just became more creative in my choice of clothes.

Times have changed.  No longer do I own just one bag, however well designed.  I could probably give John Lewis a run for its money in terms of the number that dwell in my home.  Bag Ladies understand that each bag has a unique personality and purpose, making it impossible to stick to just one.  Imagine owning just a laptop case. It doesn’t bear thinking about.

Men take note.  It’s reported that nearly £6 million in loose change is lost down the back of our sofas.  If you sported man bags, rather than using your back pockets, you might see an increase in your finances.  That’s a thought.  I wonder if there’s any change lurking amongst the crumpled tissues in my bag collection?   There might be enough to buy me the latest Chloe!